At Least It's Not A Raptor
by exiled mind
Summary: After a run-in with hallucinogenic spores, Jim's roaming the ship, armed, and hunting dinosaurs.  Bones is... wondering how this can possibly be his life.  Kink meme fill.  Cracky, silly, humorous  hopefully  fun.


Prompt: _Jim: "So you're not going to help me catch this pterodactyl then?" AOS. Any context. Any response. Actual pterodactyl optional._  
Warnings: Cracky premise, ridiculousness, hyposprays, alien-spore-induced hallucinations  
A/N: No actual dinosaurs or starship captains were injured in the making of this story. One was embarrassed, however he's getting used to that.  
A/N2: Another "I don't even know, people" type of fill. What can I say? It jumped out at me. Like a pterodactyl, apparently.

* * *

**At Least It's Not a Raptor**

* * *

Jim didn't know exactly where he was on the ship, which was weird because he'd long-ago made sure to memorize every hallway, storage closet, and lab on his baby. He definitely didn't know how a long-extinct Terran dinosaur had managed to get aboard his ship, nor how it managed to even _fit_ for that matter. He _really_ didn't know why no one else seemed to be worrying about the massive creature roaming – flying? - the halls of the _Enterprise_. What he did know was that, as the captain, it was his duty to ensure the safety of his crew and hunt it down.

That would be a _lot_ easier if Bones would just get out of his way. ″So you're not going to help me catch this pterodactyl then?″

″Jim-″

″Move, Bones!″ Jim eased his way around the other man, attempting to shield his best friend with his own body as he listened for any signs of a struggle nearby. Nothing. ″We have no idea where it is; it could come out of anywhere!″ Jim hefted the phase-rifle to his shoulder and carefully eyed the hallway behind Bones before glancing to either side, wondering if the blasted creature was hiding out in one of the sealed rooms down the corridor.

″Now, Jim, you need to relax, keep your heart rate down.″ Bones voice was tense with stress – maybe he wasn't as ignorant of the danger they were in as he'd appeared? ″You took an entire face full of that hallucinogenic spore down in the labs and-″

Jim heard a soft shuffle-flutter and a frisson of panic flew down his spine. He tackled Bones to the ground, cutting the other man off mid-sentence. Bones safely underneath him, Jim pulled himself into a crouch and twisted around, looking in each direction and seeing nothing but empty corridors. Slippery bastard.

″Jim! Get a hold of yourself, man!″ Bones voice was furious now and he was scrambling in his pack for something. Ooh, excellent idea! Maybe Bones could anesthetize the flying monstrosity so they could study it. Wouldn't Spock get a kick out of that?

″Do you even have enough sedative for a beast of that size?″

Bones' head whipped up and his expression morphed into one of confusion before it settled into his usual semi-scowl. ″Don't worry, Jim, I think I can handle the issue.″

″I knew I could count on you! You really are prepared for anything, aren't you? I didn't think this was the sort of thing that med school usually prepared its doctors for.″ Jim stood up and walked a few paces to a junction in the corridor, quickly sticking his head out, looking either way, and then retreating back into relative safety. He thought he saw a flicker of movement at the end of the hallway across from him and raised the rifle.

″You'd be surprised what they prepare us to handle.″ Bones' voice was closer than he'd expected, but Jim knew he couldn't risk taking his eyes off the corridor. Pterodactyls were tricky creatures, clearly, and though this one wasn't as bad as, say, a velociraptor, the added challenge of flight was keeping him on his toes.

Jim was just preparing himself for a sprint down the corridor when he felt a sharp sting against his neck. He slapped a hand to the spot and whipped around, dropping the rifle to the floor as a wave of dizziness overwhelmed him.

Bones caught him and lowered him to the floor, and all Jim could see in his fading vision was Bones' concerned face hovering above him.

″Look out, Bones, it managed to sneak up on me. Don't let it get you too!″ He paused a moment. ″Are pterodactyls poisonous?″

Bones offered him a small smile and ran a hand through Jim's mussed hair. ″No Jim, they aren't. You just get some rest and I'll take care of everything.″

::

Bones didn't let him hear the end of it for _months_.


End file.
